Wow, it's been over a month since I last posted. I have a lot to catch you all up on. From my trip to Idaho to witness the birth of our latest granddaughter, Lilah Rose, to our trip to Cabo, Mexico. But, I'm afraid I'll have to do that yet in the future, since today does not work for me. Instead, I'm asking for prayer. I think I have made the decision to join a griefshare group. I have a hard time sharing what's going on with me, because I don't really know.
I know everyone thinks that I remarried, that I'm living a charmed life in San Diego and everything is hunky-dorry. But, the fact is that my problems are affecting our marriage and I need to get over them. I'm afraid that my grief isn't just over the stuff I went though with Larry, but also the choices I made that caused further loss. Loss of my "life as I knew it", my home,my family, grandkids, my familiar routines, friends and trying to adjust at the same time to all the newness here and a new husband. Now, I knew all of this, and thought I was handeling it. But it is almost 5 years now since Larry went to be with the Lord and I am still struggling with....well, I'll just call it stuff. God has been so good to me and such a help to me, I'm so independent and have been trying to work everything out on my own. But I think that the Lord is showing me that I need help. I have been walking with the Lord, have been journaling a lot, reading God’s word and being in prayer on a regular basis. God is my refuge and my strength, but just this last week, as I prayed and asked God to be my Counselor and give me counsel and help from my daily reading; the scripture I was on was the time that Amalek had attacked the Israelites in the wilderness and Aaron and Hur had to hold up Moses’ arms to the Lord and be his support so that Israel could prevail; I felt that God was telling me that I need the support of others. So I prayed for the right people to support me. Then a couple of days later I read about the time that Jethro came and gave Moses counsel and wisdom on how to deal with the large group he was daily judging….Moses wasn’t seeing the need for counsel, but God sent it to him because God saw the need. You know the story…Exodus 18, I wrote in my journel: “ Lord, you meet the needs and come to the rescue even before we ourselves realize the need. Sometimes, I think we are so close and involved that we fail to see objectively. But, if we are following you, we can be sure that you will send us wise counsel.. Lord- I continue to ask you for the support and counsel I need.”
This morning I went on our church's website and looked up our griefshare ministry. I think that this is the counsel that the Lord is leading me to. It is a nationwide program, there is one at real life also. It's hard for me to go and hard for me to admit that I need it. But I am admitting and asking for your prayers.
My next blog will be more fun, I promise.
Love, Mom
4 comments:
Way to go. We'll be praying that it frees you and changes your life. We love you.
Hey Les...I think there would be something wrong with you if you weren't struggling with all the changes you have gone through in the last 5-6 years. To admit that you need help and support is huge. God didn't make us to be independent and not need help. He made us to depend on Him and others. I know that is a lot easier said then done. But seeing your need is the first step. I am praying for you and Bill. I know I tend to get wrapped up in my own "stuff" but I hope you know that if ever you need anything...even just someone to talk to...I am always here. I love you and miss you so much. Life is so weird. I am so sorry I didn't get to see you again while you were here. I hope to see you again soon.
Kathy
Kathy,
Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means a lot to me. You know I feel the same toward you, you've been my sister for about 33 years now. (We're getting old) Next time I come up, we do need to just spend some time together and maybe do something fun. I had the same regrets, it's hard to see everyone in such a short time. Love you, Les
Yes...we are getting old...but guess what this old lady did the other day. I took a roller skating lesson! I have always wanted to learn to skate but never had the nerve..and of course was too fat. I have a couple friends who are into roller blading and want me to go but I told them I can't skate. They said well go learn so I decided to do just that. I called a lady here who gives lessons and asked if she thought she could teach an old lady. She told me she has taught people even older. She is 60 years old and has been skating since she was 12. I took my first lesson Monday and she said I did awesome...she said "And I am not just saying that either!" So..the morale to the story is...never be afraid to try something new..even if it is getting support from others. :)
Love ya girlfriend.
Kathy
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